Blade

For some reason, I am having a hard time at recommending this film, even though I just came out of the theater having enjoyed at least the last two-thirds immensely. This is probably due to the fact that it has huge flaws that for most people will severely limit their appreciation of the movie. Chief among these is that the viewer has no idea what the hell is going on for the entire film, which may be because the screenwriter and director display no great inclination to explain anything at all or even come up with a discernible reason for why the main plot takes place. There is also the little matter of some of the stupidest dialogue I have ever heard uttered onscreen (along with Wesley Snipes's tendency to pronounce sentences containing the word "motherfucker" in a completely different voice than the rest of his lines, which makes them unfortunately and unintentionally comic). And, although you know you'll get this from a vampire film, there is enough gratuitous gore to drown the Tipper of that name in. Plus there's this inescapable sense of pointlessness. I mean, how many vampire films have there been before this one? About 100 million. So what's different here?

Well, the vampire scenario is reasonably novel, starting from the premise that there is some kind of physiological difference between the original biters (the "purebloods") and the bitten, and that the bitten are taking over our cities and congregating in blood-soaked slaughterhouse techno clubs. (And to think I had been going to go to a rave tonight...) When they start elaborating, that's when it gets really confused and information-less, but it's a treat to see the purebloods gathered around a conference table that I swear resembles a corporate boardroom more than anything else, with everyone in blue suits. ("Bloodlettings are up 40% this year, sir, but unfortunately there's also been a bumper crop of garlic, so the business forecast is mixed.")

Stephen Dorff is also really good as an annoying bitten guy who thinks that vampires are ready to take over the earth so he has to set this plot that is beyond the ken of anyone who participated in making the movie in motion, exuding the sort of scummy wimpy pale sneering charm that can only be really conveyed by referring to every female within earshot as a "bitch," slapping his elders, and wearing shirts with two buttons open. This is not one of those movies where you root for the villain. Even if you were completely convinced that this is just some sort of dream Wesley Snipes is having, you'd want Snipes to kill Dorff anyway.

It's about time we had an emotionless killing machine hero again, and Snipes proves he is well up to the task, as he displays absolutely no emotion (again, except when he curses). Snipes, like everyone else here, has super vampire powers, but due to special circumstances he doesn't have any of their weaknesses, so he gets to destroy absolute unending hordes of them in entertaining ways. You know in the advertisement where it says Snipes has "The soul of a human. The heart of a hero"? That's a big ole crock of bull. Killing vamipres is the heart and soul of this movie. As well it should be.

N'Bushe Wright, as the human...well, love interest is probably too strong. Let's say Snipes holds her in somewhat less disdain than he does the rest of the human race. But anyway, she's the first strong action woman of the summer. Although she is somewhat handicapped in fighting vampires because she does not have super vampire powers, she nonetheless manages to kick a zombie vampire's ass with an enormous bone (it was at this point in the movie that I started to not really care why anything was happening) and be really gutsy and fire a shotgun competently. She is also a hematologist (how convenient), and the science she spouts is (news flash) COMPLETELY ACCURATE, although I don't think they're going to be reviewing this one in the Journal of Hematology like they reviewed "The X-Files" in Nature Genetics (really).

A host of details enhance the experience, like the appealing visuals, the quite effective Wagnerian music, the previously mentioned accurate science (I mean, if you can accept the idea of vampires in the first place), and the fact that sometimes it's more fun not to really have any idea what's happening so you can revel completely in the visuals, the music, and Snipes killing people. The thing that iced the movie for me, though, was at the very end when Snipes proves he's still a badass even when he speaks Russian. Now there's a man. Basically sums up the movie, too; nothing profound or mind-changing here, just a man and his woman against the hordes of darkness in a fashion profoundly devoid of intellectual virtues or even comprehensibility, yet nonetheless entertaining.

Summer ends in most countries at the start of September.

Attractive Man Count: 1.

Attractive Woman Count: I have some reservations about giving a point to Traci Lords in this movie, but how can so many men be wrong? 2.

Overall grade: B. Fire up the lobotomizer, boys, I'm goin' in.

p.s. There is such a bumper crop of previews, but I will mention the two best:

Eddie Murphy is starring in something called "Holy Man," where he is a nutty liberal flake (I think the term I was introduced to is "crunchy") who is hired by Jeff Goldblum to sell stuff on 24-hour infomericals, but goes crazy. This sounds and looks quite good.

Finally, Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan's movie is coming out, called "Rush Hour," and it looks freaking awesome. I mean, for so long, I had dismissed the possibility of this movie's existence as wishful thinking on my part. Those rumors I read about its filming? Made-up fantasies...that seem to have come true.

Police chief: "You destroyed a whole city block."

Tucker: "Man, that block was messed up anyway."

PC: "You destroyed almost all the evidence!"

Tucker: "Yeah, but there's still an itty bitty bit of it left!"

You are going to be hearing about this one; believe you me.

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