|Andrew Lindemann Malone's Internet Playpen|
This page does not feature everything humorous I've ever written. It concentrates on things that will be new to the majority of its visitors, which means older stuff and (hopefully) new stuff. If you don't like it, well, you're not paying for it.
INDIVIDUAL ITEMS NOT RELATED TO ANYTHING ELSE
Think of this as my contribution to your ongoing workplace training needs. I'm here to help.
What's in a name? Not much effort, I can tell you that.
Because celebrating abstract concepts is what college is all about.
The benefits of the Dean's List.
Why wait? Are you a tool of the capitalist death machine?
Four rationales for existence.
Wondering what people are really saying when they wear T-shirts with inscrutable slogans? I am here to help.
At least, I hope this is humor.
Because you know it's coming.
Keeping it civil at the workplace.
Hey, this isn't funny! It weeps with the pain and suffering of my long, excruciating life!
What else happens when the Terps beat Duke?
A new agenda for the upcoming Cancun ministerial meetings.
"Hey, Laura, those elephants are doin' it!" Yes, probably. But what if not?
New Criticism in the high school, used in a way F.R. Leavis would never have sanctioned.
On a lazy June afternoon, Carmen Electra kept your author in full swoon. For a while.
Conversations I have overheard. I must look like I'm deaf or something, with all the sex and drugs and petty jealousy in these conversations.
What is it that makes us study history? Is it the idea that we might not be as inadequate as we presently appear?
Like every other humorist, I felt the need to address the impeachment hearings and their attendant dross. Unlike every other humorist I know of, I addressed them in doggerel.
What MSNBC will cover in twenty years.
A parody of my favorite writer, David Foster Wallace. I mock the things I love.
"Unfortunately, your staff has come somehow to the conclusion that I, not the merchandise, am the problem in these transactions..." One of my personal favorites.
WHOLE PAGES FULL OF ALLIED HUMOROUS ITEMS
A collection of purposely malformed offerings to Erato.
The funniest writing ever about the contents of America's distinguished medical journals, particularly the articles about oral sex, female attractiveness and instant death by Slurpee.
More of an anecdote than a humor piece, but a good anecdote.
Everything is fair game when you're living in the city, especially me.
Juvenalia gets new life thanks to Arnold's victory. Suddenly, the Poetics of Arnold just make sense.
If this page is unattractive, you may want to consider ditching Netscape. If it's still unattractive, well, that's my fault.