Arnold Puts the Dying Back in As I Lay Dying

If the amount of time we spent on World Lit was unconscionable, then the amount of time we spent on As I Lay Dying was…even more unconscionable. Thus the increased violence. He still had to use a pseudonym, though.

I still remember every one of these damn references, nine years later.

Cash: Meet Mrs. Bundren, he says.

(Enter Schwartzenbundren. He carries a huge gun.)

Schwartzenbundren: This marriage is annulled. (shoots Mrs. Bundren)

Anse: That’s…a…huge gun…

Schwartzenbundren: Do you begrudge me it? (shoots Anse)

Cash: Now, sometimes I don’t know whether a man’s crazy or sane, but see I do have a right to decide here–

Schwartzenbundren: A good carpenter, (shoots Cash) Cash was.

Jewel: You bastard! (rushes him with shovel)

Schwartzenbundren: Fall down! (shoots him; Jewel staggers forward) Fall down! (shoots Jewel) Goddamn your thick-nosed soul to hell, fall down! (shoots Jewel again; he falls)

Dewey Dell: (looks at Anse’s corpse) What happened to pa?

Schwartzenbundren: I feel like putting hot lead in your thick, dull skull. (shoots Dewey Dell)

Vardaman: You gon’ shoot me?

Schwartzenbundren: No. (solemn) No, you are the only member of the Bundren family not completely corrupted by life with the Bundrens. You need a father now, though. (looks away trying to be profound) I will take you in. I will play baseball, help with homework, teach you an Austrian accent.

Vardaman: What’ll we do now?

Schwartzenbundren: Let’s go fishing.

(defiant guitar music plays as credits roll)

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