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Andrew Lindemann Malone's Internet Playpen |
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This page includes in-depth examinations of things, rants that aren't quite wholly dedicated to joking around, explanations of phenomena around us, and other such pieces that aren't quite frivolous enough to count as humor and that aren't quite unentertaining enough to leave off the website. Also I'm now putting personal experiences up here if they're not humorous enough to be humor.
Running harder, faster, better, a year and a half later. The 2008 Marine Corps Marathon Just putting one foot in front of the other for five hours. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you mess up your knee. (Guitar solo!) Update (11/4/07): There is now an update! An appreciation for my favorite teacher ever. What Oprah Couldn't Guess: James Frey and Hospital Lies Finally, my past comes in handy for something! Dear Spam-O-Matic, I was always pretty sure something awkward and pointless like this would happen to me. Why English Majors Are Better than Econ Majors I was both, so I know. Barely Legal Internet Porn: Metaphor and Argument from Precedent Yes, I can write about legal cases! Especially if they involve porn somehow. Why I sometimes wish I was poor again. This was originally a blog entry, so it's not the most argumentatively coherent thing ever written. How the State Can Just Kill a Man Why John Allen Muhammad should be executed and Lee Boyd Malvo probably shouldn't. Why are New York writers suddenly attacking Washington, D.C.? Why are they doing such a piss-poor job of it? Come on down! Figure out what the groceries you buy actually cost! $100 and I part ways unnecessarily. Why? That Ox Don't Plow: The 2002 Farm Bill Yes, this was a report, but it's short, I make good arguments, and it has a Scottie Pippen joke. Predatory mental-health medication advertisements get attacked Malone-style. How Do We See What We Just Saw? Terrorism and the Action Film Images the world gives us and narratives we try to fit ourselves into.
The tale of Silver Spring's transformation, begun in medias res and continuing until it stops. Monday, July 14th: Trouble at the AFI Silver. The good kind of trouble.
CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME
In the spring of 2002, I wrote a column for the Diamondback about economics issues, titled "Cash Rules Everything Around Me" because I like the Wu-Tang Clan and their wonderful songs. Following are the nine columns, in chronological order:
Pay Attention, Even If It Hurts In which I introduce myself and the idea behind the column, make fun of politicians, and insert a smashing Wu reference. Why You Can Buy Free Basketball Tickets on Ebay for $250 An explanation of why Maryland's student ticket distribution system was doomed to fail. Rent Control: It's Not As Commie As You Think I basically castigate both sides of the debate over rent control for College Park for ignoring the other side. What credit is and why it matters to you, you unthinking credit user. My editor Lauren Golfer wrote the headline, wrote an insanely great teaser I wish I had so I could copy it and put it here, and did a really wonderful job editing the piece. Thanks, Lauren. Economic Thought in Inaction Around Campus Those wacky U-Md. authorities! They say free trade has failed. I say we haven't even tried it. Why the incentives created by the NBA's rookie salary cap guaranteed that Chris Wilcox would become a Clipper for the 2002-3 basketball season. Cash Does Not Rule Everything Around Me The grand finale, in which I destroy everything I wrote during the semester. Another Diamondback-supplied headline.
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